Uploads from me and the sysop, tagged cut

227/love

nobody@flickr.com (me and the sysop) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 21:45:35 -0800

i took these pictures because one ms. tabitha sent me a stalkerbook page about to write love on her arms day, and i'm open to suggestion. for once that's all i have to say about the subject.

i went to elementary school with tabitha, and the purple just reminded me of the motherland, hence the yellow.

11/13/09 20:44

ˈwən(t)s

nobody@flickr.com (me and the sysop) — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 23:12:03 -0700

me and the sysop posted a photo:

once
adverb

1 : one time and no more
2 : at any one time : under any circumstances
3 : at some indefinite time in the past
— once and for all
1 : with finality : definitively
2 : for the last time

sometimes the scars on my arms don't seem real. i so rarely feel that need nowadays that i can't believe i mutilated myself on a daily basis for six years. but on occasion when the shadows of the past creep into the back of my mind, i wonder if maybe it would help relieve the tension like it did in those days. when any situation from a family feud to homework overload could be dissolved by a quick slit.

the large scar pictured here at the tip of my compass was inflicted on december 17, 1999, the one night i wanted my cutting to result in suicide. it has healed immensely over the years in length and width, but this is as much as it will ever fade.

however, the last day i cut myself, once and for all, was march 5, 2003. i have drifted to the edges of reason many times over the past year, but i refuse to permanently look back. that was then, and i am a different person now, better for my suffering.

—.—.—.—.—
what if a demon were to creep after you one night, in your loneliest loneliness, and say,

"this life which you live must be lived by you once again and innumerable times more; and every pain and joy and thought and sigh must come again to you, all in the same sequence. the eternal hourglass will again and again be turned and you with it, dust of the dust!"

would you throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse that demon? or would you answer,

"never have i heard anything more divine"?

friedrich nietzsche

116

nobody@flickr.com (me and the sysop) — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 23:30:34 -0700

me and the sysop posted a photo:

my affinity for sharp objects is in full force.

i decided i'd like to try one of those whole roasted chickens heb sells, but then when i opened it up at home i realized i have no idea how to carve a chicken. on the one hand, it gave me a good excuse to whip out my big knife that's just held to the back of my stand with magnets. on the other hand, i did terrible things to the corpse of that poor chicken. i'm so sorry, dear. at least you tasted good.

today i was in a bit of a movie mood and watched hangover, the unborn, and coraline. of those, coraline is the only one i'd recommend, but i'm a total whore for both stop-motion animation and neil gaiman.

7/25/09 23:25

37

nobody@flickr.com (me and the sysop) — Thu, 07 May 2009 20:17:21 -0700

me and the sysop posted a photo:

i'm working on a piece of commissioned art. ;) i'd say it's about 10% through.

5/7/09 21:25

357

nobody@flickr.com (me and the sysop) — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 22:20:36 -0700

me and the sysop posted a photo:

i've never been in the school of thinking the human body is automatically a piece of art. sure i can appreciate it, but usually in the way i appreciate everything else in existence. it's a fascinating vessel composed of vastly delicate structures. how we don't simply fall apart always amazes me, as well as our cells' ability to regenerate and adapt.

i'm more on level with those who find our bodies as blank canvases. when we're born, if we're lucky we're perfect little smooth cuties, without a scar or blemish to be seen. sixty years later we're riddled with imperfections, and each of them has a story. "the body is a road map," to quote the once-great marilyn manson. ;)

▫ the knot on my forehead was from running into a corner when i was two.
▫ the small, raised scars on my forehead and chest are from my obsession to pickpickpick at my skin until i ruin it.
▫ i have a birthmark on the back of my left thigh.
▫ a mole next to my belly button and above my top lip.
▫ the guy who gave me tattoos was a long-haired hispanic named anthony.
▫ the guy who pierced my nose and eyebrow was bald and had surface piercings from brow to brow.
▫ the guy who pierced my tongue was gorgeous and said, "you could fit two on here!"
▫ when i was seven i busted my face and chipped my front tooth.
▫ the big toenail on my left foot is slightly narrower than the right because i had an ingrown toenail in high school that was cut out. the podiatrist refused to let me watch. hmph!
▫ i have a scar on my lip that i don't even know the origin of.
▫ hair never grows on the back of my legs from ~four inches above my knee to ~five inches below.
▫ i'm growing silver hairs!

i just love it. i love crooked teeth and scars and old tattoos that have become faded and saggy. wrinkles on grandpas and stretch marks on mothers. i know a girl who has a scar on her knee shaped like a 7, from an accident that happened when she was seven years old. that's pure poetry.

the only real thing i can't stand on me is having bad skin just about everywhere, save for my torso and back. my forearms were fine until a couple years ago, when these awful bumps started spreading. the undersides are hanging in there, though. this picture is of my thigh.

it's frustrating because there's nothing i can do, and i feel disfigured. really i'm just frustrated with those who don't understand we all can't be renoirs. some of us are picassos.

3/23/09 23:20

107

nobody@flickr.com (me and the sysop) — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 21:23:01 -0700

me and the sysop posted a photo:

the dangers of cat ownership. somehow beans did this while jumping off of the couch. ;(

you can see parts of my tattoo that aren't completely filled in. he inked them, but it just didn't stay because of my scars. the same's true of the one on my other wrist. he said to come in for a touch-up if this happened, but i don't mind. i'm not trying to cover them up.

sarah and i went spelunking today, albeit on a very tame guide with a leader named bob. ok, so it was just inner space caverns in georgetown. but it was cool as usual.

7/16/08 23:15

road map

nobody@flickr.com (me and the sysop) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 17:48:30 -0700

me and the sysop posted a photo:

while on the topic of poison.

not especially revealing, but i like the shadows.

302

nobody@flickr.com (me and the sysop) — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 10:12:04 -0800

me and the sysop posted a photo:

gee THANKS, tima, i just love being mauled! she was asleep on the couch, and when beans jumped up there it startled her. she BOLTED off the couch and onto unsuspecting me, minding my own business, building a tiny fence out of brown construction paper. (i was sitting on the floor in front of the couch.) this happened through my jeans, even, and the pictured aftermath was after i lost about a pint of blood. blargh. and sorry, i haven't shaved in a while.

i was making the fence for a business card-sized landscape. the robs at work were telling me about the museum of pocket art, and how their upcoming exhibit is landscapes. thus, i took to the only medium i've ever been good at: scissors; glue stick; construction paper. i'll upload a picture later.

now time to go bleed some more...

1/28/09 21:09